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It seems that I am very lonely and have no one to share my life with. Any suggestions on how to find some, honest, intelligent, interesting people?

asked May 20 '12 at 05:08

Sage's gravatar image


edited May 24 '12 at 06:52

First, in the spirit of trade, make sure that you have something to offer. If you want to meet interesting people make sure that you are an interesting person. Second, if you are an introvert you will need to condition yourself to initiate. I suggest using meetup.com to find groups of people with similar interests. Attend those meetings and introduce yourself to everyone personally. Finally, be genuinely interested in other people. Ask them about what they do, what they like, how they live. Listen to and understand them. If you show interest in people, they will often reciprocate.

(May 21 '12 at 09:20) nicholascloud nicholascloud's gravatar image

I must disagree about "first, make yourself interesting". That's putting the cart before the horse. The way you become interesting is by having interesting experiences, and that generally involves other people.

I agree about meetup.com. It helps you find people who share your interests, and that's the basis of friendship.

As to "be genuinely interested in other people." That's not something you can just choose to do without realizing that everyone has stories, concerns, and motives, and that hearing about this stuff is actually worth your time. Yes, some people are boring. But not most.

(May 21 '12 at 09:28) John Paquette ♦ John%20Paquette's gravatar image

@John, you can't judge whether a person is "worth your time" until you've listened to and observed them. But you should initially approach them with open interest, even if you decide later to stop pursuing a friendship. Also, I assume that OP does have interesting experiences, (s)he just has a difficult time making friends. This is not uncommon for introverts.

(May 21 '12 at 09:33) nicholascloud nicholascloud's gravatar image

Do you have a webcam? I can post videos on YouTube and we can talk to each other that way. I was actually considering posting a question via video. That way, you can see what I look like. It makes this site a bit more personal.

(May 21 '12 at 20:45) Collin1 Collin1's gravatar image

I didn't say that the person you are listening to is "worth your time", but that listening to them is. You can learn a lot about people by listening to them. You may learn that they are immoral. You may learn that they are boorish. Listening to someone is not a favor to them, but an act of investigation, for one's own purposes.

(May 23 '12 at 01:02) John Paquette ♦ John%20Paquette's gravatar image

Volke10535: please learn to spell, or to use a spell-checker.

And please don't add to your question once someone has already answered it. Of what relevance is your addendum about the dumb girl you were attracted to?

(May 23 '12 at 01:07) John Paquette ♦ John%20Paquette's gravatar image

Yeah, I wil learn to spell....and I cant say.

(May 24 '12 at 06:51) Sage Sage's gravatar image

@nicholas. I can never be intersting to a person on purpose. Being intersting is subjective.

(Jul 25 '12 at 05:07) sage3 sage3's gravatar image
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Friends are involved with other people.

My number one piece of advice: do fun stuff that involves other people. Social activities are key. Making friends is not all about talking to people and bowling them over with your erudition; it's about sharing experiences.

Take a dance class -- partners rotate, usually, and you'll meet lots of people without even trying. Go on a group hike or canoe trip or rafting trip. Do things you think might be fun, and which happen to involve other people. It will then be hard to not meet people you might like. Friendship grows out of having a shared goal, and discovering people you work well with.

Try some kind of casual sport, like volleyball, or ultimate Frisbee. Shared goal, and shared success: friendship!

Go on a Meetup. Listen hard to everyone, and talk to the people who say things you really find interesting. Don't feign interest. The quiet person who sometimes says something smart is much more valuable than someone who speaks because he feels it is expected of him.

In the beginning, just hang out with groups. Don't worry about singling out best friends. Just get to know people. Good friendships will grow out of that.

answered May 21 '12 at 09:40

John%20Paquette's gravatar image

John Paquette ♦

How do i find people that make me think? I usally hang out with a buch of "hammmer and nail" mind set people.

(Jul 05 '12 at 03:35) Sage Sage's gravatar image

I've yet to discover a way to "make" someone think. If you find a way, let me know and I'll pay you $1,000,000.00.

(Jul 05 '12 at 05:06) Humbug Humbug's gravatar image

You introduce them to a whole diffrent perspecctive, which i dont ha ve the knowledge of how it was developed....

(Jul 05 '12 at 08:19) Sage Sage's gravatar image

Any good person who has had a life which you have not will make you think. Yes, you may end up thinking "Why the heck did they make those choices?" But that's still thinking.

Human motivations are endlessly interesting. Just ask people why they did what they did, and you'll get an amazing variety of answers, from brilliant to doltish.

The more people you meet and know, the more you'll understand how people come to be what they are.

Just don't expect everyone you meet to be a shining example of what you'd like to become.

(Jul 05 '12 at 09:29) John Paquette ♦ John%20Paquette's gravatar image

Recognize the reality, however, that many people whom you would classify as your enemy do have some valuable wisdom or skills or even virtues which you do not.

It's possible to learn from virtually anyone -- one must simply be discerning about what in others one chooses to emulate.

(Jul 05 '12 at 09:33) John Paquette ♦ John%20Paquette's gravatar image

Food for thought by Jhon Paqutte. Well, I think it takes dedication to develop good virtue or a virtue, and essentially, people are intersting when they had the strength to sculpt their character. Im really smart, and its really hard for me to find people to keep up with me, so it seemse.

(Jul 05 '12 at 15:11) Sage Sage's gravatar image

sage, I saw one of your Posts, just wanted to make sure you were doing well. jonathanwesley@live.com if you get this.. concerned about ya bud.

(Nov 16 '12 at 03:26) savedandfavored savedandfavored's gravatar image
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Asked: May 20 '12 at 05:08

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Last updated: Nov 16 '12 at 03:26