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I presently got two guys in my personal entire life, and although neither of these has however gotten back on one leg, both of these have lately started speaking with regard to dedication, union, and said in no uncertain terms they want to wind up together.

My family has experienced lots of disasters lately, and I've now misplaced one-parent and the remainder of the family has more or less de-solved, so I'm feeling quite lost and uncertain of the best way to really determine what route, or guy, I should follow.

I assume my issue would be, how can I determine? What's significant whenever it involves your wife? What could be best in my event? Beneath I'll place a bit about myself and each of the guys involved:

asked Aug 27 '13 at 05:05

Apyune's gravatar image


edited Aug 27 '13 at 11:48

Greg%20Perkins's gravatar image

Greg Perkins ♦♦

The headline form of this question seems straightforward and intelligible, but the full statement is extremely confusing, specifically as to the gender of the questioner and the context of the question's significance to him/her. The headline form sounds like a man asking for guidance on choosing a wife. On a philosophical level (since this is primarily a philosophical website), about all that one can say is something like "choose a good wife, one who will be good for you and to you, one who will make you happy and whom you will feel happy to be good to and for." Beyond that, the details and specifics depend on one's personal values and those of one's prospective partner in life. Philosophy cannot prescribe a person's proper values beyond the broad, abstract categories of reason, purpose, and self-esteem, along with objective derivatives and corollaries of these. (Religions, in contrast, often try to prescribe every detail of every person's life on a very concrete level, but Objectivism doesn't do that, and can't do it, by the fundamental nature of man and existence.)

A close reading of the full statement of the question strongly suggests that the questioner is actually the prospective wife, not the would-be husband. The question talks about the questioner being involved with two guys (presumably "guy" here means male, although women sometimes refer to each other as "guys," too, with no gender switch intended). Apparently both guys are seeking a serious, committed relationship with the questioner, who is asking what qualities a guy should be seeking in a woman ("wife" means "woman," as far as I've ever seen and heard). Why would a woman want know what qualities a guy should seek? Why wouldn't she want to know what qualities in a man she should value? What are her values? Is she trying to decide her own course of action based on what the guys ought to value? Does she have no personal identity of her own beyond what others think of her?

This last point may seem a bit harsh, but consider the following:

[My] family has more or less de-solved [dissolved?], so I'm feeling quite lost and uncertain of the best way to really determine what route, or guy, I should follow.

In other words, she used to follow whatever her family wished her to do, but her former family has dissolved, so now she is seeking a guy to tell her what to do. If this is, indeed, the situation, then that is the first aspect of her life she should work to change. Remember the classic bit of dialog between Howard Roark and Peter Keating in The Fountainhead, Part I Chapter 2. Peter has been offered both a scholarship for graduate study in Paris, and a job in Guy Francon's architecture firm, and Peter seeks Roark's advice on which one to choose:

"If you want my advice, Peter," he [Roark] said at last, "You've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand not to know?"

"You see, that's what I admire about you Howard. You always know.... How do you always manage to decide?"

"How can you let others decide for you?"

"But you see, I'm not sure, Howard. I'm never sure of myself. I don't know whether I'm as good as they all tell me I am. I wouldn't admit that to anyone but you. I think it's because you're always so sure that I ..."

Peter's mother interrupts the conversation and joins in. Now, with an audience (of one) to lean on for support, Peter's tone toward Roark changes noticeably, and Roark just about gives up trying to have a serious conversation with Peter. Finally, as Peter continues to press Roark for advice, Roark replies:

"Peter, you know how I feel about either one of your opportunities. Take your choice of the lesser evil. What will you learn at the Beaux-Arts? Only more Renaissance palaces and operetta settings. They'll kill everything you might have in you. You do good work, once in a while, when somebody lets you. If you really want to learn, go to work. Francon is a bastard and a fool, but you will be building. It will prepare you for going on your own that much sooner."

The conversation goes on a little longer and then shifts to what Roark intends to do next in his own career. Those who might be interested are encouraged to read it firsthand. Ayn Rand's first masterpiece is a very captivating story.

Other aspects of the question are confusing to me as well:

  • How does one "misplace" a parent? Normally misplacing something means leaving it somewhere and forgetting where one left it. How would that apply to a parent, assuming the parent wasn't placed in a rest home and the questioner somehow forgot which rest home the parent was placed into?

  • What does "gotten back on one leg" refer to? Could it be a reference to the expression, "Getting back on one's feet," perhaps? If so, then the questioner is implying that the two guys are financially "down and out" and in need of a productivity boost. Is the questioner proposing to overlook that and marry one of them simply because they want her and because she has no other supportive family any longer? Has she learned the basic virtues of thinking and productive work in her own life, to meet her own needs?

  • "[Both guys] want to wind up together" probably means wind up with her, not with each other. Unless I am misinterpreting, I don't think this is a question about homosexuality or "same-sex marriage."

answered Aug 29 '13 at 00:46

Ideas%20for%20Life's gravatar image

Ideas for Life ♦

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Asked: Aug 27 '13 at 05:05

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Last updated: Aug 29 '13 at 00:46